While I write this article, about breaking up with my phone; I will reach for it, I’m sure at least ten times over a couple of hours.
In fact, who am I kidding? It’ll be way more than ten times, more like twenty. And this will happen even though I have another device; a laptop, in front of me. My fingers on the keys, with the world of information the internet can provide, quite literally at my fingertips.
But reaching for my phone, rather than needing it for information, has become a physical tick. A compulsion which controls me. If I thought about or reached for alcohol with the regularity I reach for my phone, I’d take myself to see my doctor and beg for help.
But because the vast majority of the western population is controlled by their phone (you can bristle all you like but you know I’m including you in that number), we have come to normalise the addiction. If everyone’s doing it, it can’t be that bad can it?
Well, I’ve taken it upon myself recently to find out. I’ve listened to podcasts, I’ve watched some brilliant documentaries, including the eye-opening ‘The School That Banned Smartphones’, and I’ve (shock horror) read a book on the topic.
The list of changes to our brain due to excessive phone use makes for devastating reading. Experts recommend adults should spend no more than two hours per day looking at their phone. Most current research puts the actual figure much closer to four hours per day. That’s a sixth of each beautiful precious day on this planet; staring at a tiny screen.
But what is our phone addiction actually doing to our brains?
It’s negatively impacting our mental health. It’s giving us a false sense of urgency and panic. It’s giving us FOMO and it’s making us see our lives as inferior to others’on social media, fostering low self-esteem and jealousy.
It’s disrupting our sleep.
It’s slashing our attention span, meaning it’s harder for us to get lost in a great movie or read a book.
It’s destroying our productivity, making us distracted and scatty (says the woman who is desperately trying to produce an article without checking Instagram).
It’s affecting our reading comprehension. We have become skimmers of online content, meaning we are losing the ability to absorb key facts when it is required of us.
It’s inducing our brains to produce the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which impact our ability to produce dopamine; our happy hormone.
I don’t know about you… but I relate to every single one of those. And seeing it there in black and white makes me feel a bit, well, ashamed. How have I let this little black rectangle take over my control centre so stunningly?
I should cut myself a little slack with that. In fact, we all should. Those little black rectangles are made by people far cleverer than us; and they’re designed to keep us totally hooked. It’s why the tech giants who create them are far more careful about how they use them than they want their consumers to be. It’s why The Steve Jobs’ and Bill Gates’ of this world wouldn’t let their kids near them.
Ah, OK. Kids. Almost forgot about them.
Are you ready for a whistlestop tour about what your kids’ smartphone is doing to their brain? Buckle up…
Excessive phone use can lead to thinning of the brains cortex; that’s the area in charge of critical thinking and reasoning. You know, the important bit.
It impairs their cognitive control; meaning they’re less able to regulate their emotions.
Lowered ability for social interaction (if you’ve ever tried to have a conversation with your teenager whilst they hold their phone, this one will be a hard relate).
It’s linked with poorer language skills and lower reading scores.
Phone use leads to fragmented attention span, meaning productivity in class is reduced.
All of the above side-effects can contribute to poorer behaviour and unhealthy choices both in and out of school.
Wowzers.
So; tackling the phone has come about through the same process I went through when deciding to reduce my alcohol intake. I noticed some things I didn’t really like about myself due to having a wine/a phone in my hand. I then went and did some research… and then I spent months trying to pluck up the courage to do something about it.
So why now? Well the obvious one is that we’re entering a new year. Although this is not a New Years’ resolution; I’m old enough to know those just set me up to fail. But breaking up with my phone is a definite wish for myself (and my family) in 2025.
I think the truth of the matter is that I have just caught myself too many times now, ignoring my own child trying to show me a handstand, or a lego masterpiece or a poem he’s written… because I’m engrossed in an Instagram post from someone I’ve never met, showing off their child's handstand, or lego masterpiece, or poem. I don’t want to be that mother anymore. I know how it feels when I’m with another adult who ignores me whilst texting or scrolling. It’s a microrejection, which disconnects them from me. It’s literally the opposite of how I want my children to feel.
Like tackling any addiction. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. So as an aid, I bought a book called ‘How To Break Up With Your Phone’ by the science journalist Catherine Price.
If like me, you know you want to drastically reduce the time spent on your phone, I can’t stress more fervently that you should treat yourself to this book. Part memoir, part educational guide and part self-help book; it’s remarkably easy to digest, given our attention spans are all severely damaged from our TikTok-athons et al.
I’ve devoured the first part of the book, filled with top tips for coping with what is to come when I actually go through the break up; now all that remains is to actually do it. I’m going to follow Price’s tried and tested 30 day break up plan to the letter, starting Monday 6th January, and I’ll come back to you in February with an update.
Price advises that before starting the plan, readers take a photo of someone or something precious in their life; their partner, their child, their pet, and get them to hold a handwritten sign saying ‘Who do you want to give your attention to?’
That one instruction was like a punch in the stomach to me. Attention is our most valuable currency, and I want to give mine to the people I love, not to some Instagrammer from the arse-end of South Dakota who doesn’t know I exist.
Wish me luck!
// Sarah Lawton
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