I am in ten Whatsapp groups purely associated with childrens football teams.
Yes, you read that correctly. Ten Whatsapp groups.
Can you imagine the life admin that is associated with the training and game playing and tournaments for TEN teams? (If you’re not familiar with tournaments it is a game of football which is repeated approximately eight times in on day, while all the parents secretly pray that their child's team will lose and thus we will all be able to go home for a cup of tea)
It’s relentless. I receive I would say on average fifteen messages per day regarding the various teams, asking me questions, giving instructions on times/dates/strip colours, more often than not requesting money.
But would you believe me if I told you that I’m actually relieved that football is (almost) the only extra-curricular activity I have to contend with? Some poor parents have children with multiple interests. Oh yes… some children have a veritable plethora of hobbies. I’m actually lucky that for my eldest two; unless it involves a football they have no interest. Despite being annoyingly natural at all sports.
My youngest shows signs of being different. Signs I’m not that keen on if I’m honest. He had a ‘thing’ for gymnastics, which bless him he was actually surprisingly good at. But the expense was eye-watering and the time commitment (three nights per week and one weekend day at the age of only six) was unfeasible.
He’s just signed up for Lego club and keeps mentioning trying athletics. I nod my head and smile and try to keep from screaming “When the hell do you think we’re going to fit that in then son!?”
As a single parent incurring costs of nearly £200 a month for clubs, and being the only taxi-driver on site to do all the running around, the commitment to their activities really takes its toll. We are out of the house every night, in all weathers, leaving little (aka zero) time for homework or relaxation.
Talking to my friends and fellow Mums I think it’s fair to say our kids are so over-scheduled. I took a brief little dive into the good old forums on Mumsnet whilst researching this article and some of the stories on there put the fear of God into me.
Dancing, horse-riding, gymnastics and cello.
Fencing, Rugby, Cricket and Hockey.
Drama, Dancing, Singing lessons and flute.
They were just some of the combos some of these Mothers were having to juggle. Because let’s be honest it’s largely the Mothers doing the organising of the kids’ schedules. The busiest kids (and therefore parents) were the swimmers. As they progress up the stages, lots are in the pool before school and afterwards; meaning 5am alarm calls and 10pm bedtimes. Horrendous. And no guarantee they’ll even make it to the olympics so you can brag to your friends about it.
I read over and over in these forums that parents were exhausted and skint and slightly resentful, even though they knew rationally that these extra curricular activities were good for their child. Or at least they hoped they were… more on that later.
The fact is that in these tough financial times, kids hobbies are putting huge financial strain on some parents, who undoubtedly feel societal pressure for their kids to be having access to the same activities as their peers. There’s almost a strange pride in it for some parents though. I heard it just last night (at football, obvs); “Oh Jake doesn’t have a single night off. Not one! He does an after-school club every night and then quick tea and back out at whatever activity he’s booked in for until 8pm. I’m shattered with it all and it’s costing me a fortune but he loves it, so I do it!”
The question is… does he actually love it? Do any of these kids love this insanely hectic hobby schedule? Or are they just accustomed to it because we’ve been scheduling them since they were babies? Think about it: Baby Yoga, Baby Sensory, Baby Swimming, Baby Music Class… we started this before they could say a word or express an opinion.
When I look back to my childhood, I remember long summer evenings ‘playing out’ with my friends, climbing trees, playing rounders. And long wintery nights sat round the radio trying to record The Chart Show (if you know, you know). I wasn’t on the clock, my parents weren’t rushing around desperately trying to get my brother and I to three different activities per day. We were relaxed. I’m worried these carefree childhoods might be coming a thing of the past for some children.
But this is where the good old Mum Guilt creeps in isn’t it… it’s never far away. What if by making an effort to unschedule my kids a little bit; I’m somehow doing them a disservice? Are all these extra-curricular activities going to set them up to be wildly successful, happy, healthy adults?
Well, we can all probably agree that hobbies and interests are a good thing for everyone. Not just kids. Research shows that people with hobbies are less likely to suffer from stress, low mood and depression, and that they can help to raise children's self esteem.
They also help build life skills, such as commitment and being a team-player, they help children regulate their emotions and express themselves, meaning they’re less likely to get into trouble or danger.
On the flipside, research also shows the huge importance of downtime for kids. Over-scheduled kids can quickly become overwhelmed by balancing various activities on top of school work, leaving them feeling isolated from their family members, stressed and anxious.
As with most things when it comes to parenting, it’s a fine balance and of course every child will be different. I’m making the personal decision to try and unschedule the four of us a little bit, in favour of some really good quality time together. If it has to involve football so be it… I’m getting to the point where I’d rather play it with them than just settle for snatched conversations in the car between sessions.
As many an ‘inspirational’ Instagram quote will tell you; you only get a finite amount of time with your children before they up and fly the nest. I want to spend at least some of that time snuggling on the sofa with them… and my guess is they secretly want that too.
// Sarah Lawton
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