Planning a Second Wedding - The Dos and Don'ts

Currently we're in that stage in life where we're being invited to attend lots of second weddings. Honestly, we're totally here for love and those around us finding happiness a second time around, but second weddings do also present etiquette considerations that first time weddings don't, such as should the bride wear white, how should children be involved and whether it's appropriate to have a gift registry. Today we explore current thinking on second weddings and what it does and doesn't mean.

First up, we want to sat that there is a lot to be said for "each to their own" and "live and let live". This is how we choose to lead out lives, so as long as people are happy, we feel it's important for everyone to do what makes them feel happy and is right for their lives, even if it would not be our personal choice.

// Do it differently - Don’t repeat your first wedding

Even if your first wedding was your "dream", make your second wedding feel as unique and special as your relationship and do it differently. Often first time around we have a lot of pressures from family that we find we don't have second time around, so it's the perfect chance to shake it up and have fun. You don't need to do the formalities if you don't want to. The rules are off so to speak - so go with it. Many second weddings tend to opt for the total opposite of their first, for a reason.

// Wear what you want to

Second time around we suggest you wear what you want to and what makes you feel great. Today even first time round many of the rules of bridal wear apply less, so where what you like. Even if you want to wear white, it's commonly accepted to be ok now. The loosening of the rules also applies to the bridal party and guests. You can choose to make your celebration as formal or casual as you like.

// Don’t expect your parents to pay

We see this tradition applying less and less today, even first time around, but when it comes to a second wedding, often the bride and groom are more established and it's unreasonable to expect parents to pay again. It's better to assume these expenses will fall on the couple.

// Invite the people you actually want there

When you get married the first time, often you invite certain people our of respect or because your family expect you to. This time around, you can be more free of constraints on your guest list. Please yourself be that 20 guests or 100.

// Understand that guests may be less available

The older we get the less time we have and more commitments. As such, second time around understand that your guests may have less availability than they did when married first time around, often due to kids, busy careers etc. Not everyone will be able to attend your wedding. Give as much warning as possible and don't take it personally if someone can't come.

// It's ok to have a gift registry

You may already have most of the key things you need in life and likely already live together, but it's ok to have a gift registry. Most people will want to gift something still and it's nice to have a registry of different price points.

// Think about your invite and wedding wording

Second time around, wording can matter in different ways when it comes to invites and communications. Try less traditional approaches. There is less need to include parent's names etc. Less formal and personalised wording we find works best here.

// Involve your kids

Many marrying for a second time may already have kids and blended families, so it's important to bear this in mind and to offer kids a major role in the wedding events. Speak to your kids openly and ask them how they want to be involved and for any ideas they have.

// Be more flexible on pre-wedding events

it's less common to have a bachelor or bridal shower second time around and many forgo these to focus on the main celebration. Once again though, the choice is yours.

// Avoid inviting your exes

Even if you have a great relationship and kids with your ex, generally it's not advisable to invite your ex to your wedding. The choice is yours though!