Returning To Dubai - Back to where it all began

When my plane landed on the runway at DXB in 2009, the plan had been to stay for three months. Six months max. You’ve heard that story before, right?

I had two suitcases, a bunch of beach dresses and a bulky laptop. My flatmate - who I’d known for about 25 minutes - gave me a lift to Carrefour to buy a cheap pay-as-you-go phone because I wasn’t gonna be staying long.

Fast forward a whopping seven years. My suitcases were packed once again, this time to head home. I’d ditched the bulky laptop for a MacBook Air and despite saying goodbye to my UAE residency, it was proving an impossible task to break free from my phone contract (cheers, Du). Ooh, how I’d changed. I was no longer single and mingling in my beach dresses, but married with a baby boy on the way!

So what happened in the middle?

Well, life. That’s what. I moved to Dubai and stayed beyond an elongated working holiday. And I really did work. After three years in one job, I flew solo and set up a business alongside freelancing as a radio host on Dubai Eye. I dated. Had my heart broken. Missed my friends back home and soul searched for my tribe. I went to Typing Centres. Got a UAE driving license and a residency visa. I did yoga, pilates, Zumba, barre, salsa and spent an evening in Al Quoz colouring in and throwing paint on a wall. I dated some more. Lost myself for a while. Found my tribe, lost them, and found another. Transient became a common word in my vocabulary. I got dresses made in Satwa. Paid a fortune for bacon in the pork room. I even went to the Rugby 7s and hated it. But I went again because it was what “everybody did” and I liked being around “everybody”. Good job I did because I hooked up with my future husband.

We dated, successfully. He supported me through the blood, sweat and tears of setting up my own business in a foreign land. We travelled to places easy from Dubai, but not-so-easy from the UK, such as Hong Kong for a long weekend and skiing in Lebanon. Expat-life was no longer lonely. We indulged in missing our roots and what had made us who we were. Still, we brunched, we partied. We loved eating at Bayt Al Wakeel, especially at night. We bought rings in the gold and diamond souks and got married. We decided that we would stay in Dubai until we could start a family. I miscarried our first baby, and when we heard the healthy heartbeat of our second baby, our Arabian journey came to a close. It was home time.

And just like that, we weren’t expats anymore.

We’ve been in London now for eight years, longer than our time in Dubai. But it never leaves you, that expat-life. Not a day goes by without mentioning that chapter, the people, the places, the random crazy stuff we got up to. It feels like less than eight years in many ways, maybe because it’s where we met. Where it all began for us and our family. I also returned for work often in those first few years. For a while, I had the best of both worlds. I was living in London, a city I’d craved to be back in, but still dipping my toe into the place that gave me so much to be grateful for. I even found out I was pregnant again in Dubai!

When my baby girl was born, I finally decided to close my business in Dubai to focus fully on London life. Then Covid hit. The world locked itself away. The possibility of hopping on a plane and visiting my “second home” was zero. When the 'New Normal' started to normalise, flight prices jumped sky high (excuse the pun) and month by month, year by year, catch ups with expat friends dwindled to liking instagram posts. Dubai became a memory, no longer a part of our life.

Like many expats who have relocated, the question always hangs somewhere in the air, “Should we do it again?” Living in another country doesn’t come without challenges, but you get one life, on one planet, and wouldn’t it be wonderful to experience as much of it as possible? Many don’t agree. They’re happily home-birds, and jetting off somewhere is strictly for holidays. We love our London life, and it makes me emotional to imagine that ever coming to an end. We became a couple in Dubai, but we became a family in the UK. All the precious memories of my babies growing into toddlers and learning to ride their bikes are here. Then suddenly, the expat in me wonders…but what if…? Dubai crops up in my dreams most nights, which is strange because I don’t recall ever dreaming about it when I lived there. Usually, the dream features futuristic buildings and apartments, and I’m trying frantically to get hold of my friends via an old pay-as-you-go phone and I often miss my flight. Is Dubai calling me back? Or is it saying, stop, breathe, you’re happier where you are?

Well, maybe I’ll find out soon enough. Flights are booked. My husband and I are returning to Dubai as a family of four during October half term. It will be the first time back in the UAE since 2018, and the first time ever for my daughter. I’d been fantasising over booking these flights for such a long time, and when I did, panic kicked in. Our “second home" is going to look a whole lot different, isn’t it? If anywhere knows how to startle you with big surprises and brand spanking new creations, it’s Dubai!

Living overseas changes your life and views. It can also leave you with the feeling of never truly fitting in anywhere again. You live in a new country for a while, learn how to make it work, how to blend, but even when you’ve settled, you’re always aware that you once belonged somewhere else. Repatriation is also hard. At first, you imagine that you’ll just slot back in. You have friends who’ve never left. The pub might be under new management, but it’s pretty much the same as you remember. Only for some reason or other, you cannot dig your heels in deep enough. You feel as though you’re hovering, unsure, like you’ve forgotten how to be yourself, even though you’re absolutely yourself.

If you’ve never been an expat, you might be thinking, why did you bother? If it’s so hard to settle in the new country and then unsettling to go back home, what’s the point? It’s true, being a expat comes with complexities, but rarely do we regret the experience. You get your head into a whole new space. You meet people you never imagined would become your friends. You understand fierce loyalty and what it’s like to create a network of people you trust, so far away from those who you’ve always relied on. You do things you never thought you’d ever try, stretching yourself beyond belief. Your eyes are opened wider. You take leaps, you fall badly, and you figure out how to get up again. You realise what matters and who matters. And that can be the catalyst to move away, whether back home or to another foreign land, or stay.

I feel emotional about returning to Dubai. I want to visit my old haunts, well, the child-friendly ones! I wonder if I’ll wish they are still part of my life. Or will I just sit within the memories having now moved on? I wonder if I’ll even like it? So much has happened in the years that have passed, have I evolved to a point where I think, Okay, I’m done. Or, will I want to keep coming back?

We’ve only booked for seven days.

But we all know what happened the last time I never intended on staying....

// Hayley Doyle