Things that go through your head when sick in bed

by Natasha-Hatherall Shawe

It’s the season to be sick. Wherever you look there is someone coughing, another person with a child in hospital with a sickness bug, one person calling in sick at work and well it just feels like everyone is sick and you know it’s almost ok to be sick again without fearing you have Covid and will need to quarantine for 10 days, or is it 5 even now – it’s been going on so long, we forgot.

I digress.

And so, then I got sick and having lay in bed tossing and turning for 48 hours now (and counting) I’ve discovered sickness is no one’s friend for many reasons – but definitely not for your mind, your sense of reality or for the strange and downright dramatic things that go through your head.

Two days in, this is what has gone through my head, as well as a million other things I probably can’t say out loud.

I must change my life

Ok, call me a drama queen, but lying here I can’t help but reflect on what got me to where I am today – 20 plus hour working days, a whole lot of stress and not much balance, and how CHANGE is needed. After 24 hours in bed I’ve already decided a career change is needed, a holiday asap and an overall change in my priorities. I mean let’s be real, what got me here was likely a cough in the wrong direction from a colleague or a germ on a door handle but I’m not thinking too rationally at this point when I haven’t slept, I can’t breathe, and everything just seems too much to bear. But major changes are needed. I just need to get well, get out of this bed and I’m going to change it all. Watch me!

I will go to the gym more and eat better

Talking of changes and maybe it’s the health scare, but when you’re under the weather it’s hard not to reflect on your health in general. I’ve already planned my new regime which includes once a day exercise (even though I’ve not done any all year), new gym gear (obvs) and a totally clean and wonderous diet. I’ve found myself meal planning half heartedly on my phone, browsing through meal plans on Instagram and it all seems to do-able when you’re not running around at 100 mph. You’re not running anywhere in fact. Health is wealth and all that.

What if this is it?

I mean rationally I know this is the flu. But I did have a moment of morbidity where I wondered if I’d ever see my family again, get out of this bed and well what if this was it? My morbidity didn’t just stop there though as I found myself having bad dreams about my family, my pets and well life just felt fragile and raw. Please, please let this not be “it”. There’s so much more I want to do with my life. Back to “I must change my life” irrational thoughts. Gees.

I want to spend more time with my husband

Now I think of all the crazy things racing through my sick bed head, the recurring one that I miss seeing more of my husband is one I actually find quite nice. It makes me see I am lucky that I have a husband I still like and want to spend more time with and I do. I’m sick and having the odd dash of fear over mortality as you know (see point 3) and I have told him this too on a number of occasions today only for him to look at me with that knowing look of how I’ll get better and he’ll be begging for an hour of my time again and no not whilst watching Netflix.

Sickness isn’t great for so many reasons the obvious aside, but making you lose all sense of reality is definitely one of the worst to bear, snot and coughing so hard it hurts aside, and I truly hope my sick bed days don’t go on too long, as I’m not sure how much of these drama and reflection I can take. The one thing I do know and I guess the moral of this rambling irrational tale is don’t make any decisions while sick or off colour and definitely don’t make any whilst scared or though fear, as they’re unlikely to be the best decisions of your life. Just let your body be sick, take the rest and rejuvenation it needs and once you’re back up and running then take a moment to see how you feel about everything and if you really do need to make any life changes big or small.