Festive season can be a beautiful time, bringing loved ones together to celebrate and gather, but for some of us, these gatherings can be tense and in some cases traumatic.
The intensity of the festive season can be a time of anxiety for some, forcing us to be around people who don’t necessarily bring the best out in us so setting boundaries to be able to feel in control of the situation is a key factor in not entering the festive season full of fears and dread. Arming yourself with some simple coping mechanisms can transform the time from one of tension to one of joy and love.
// Setting out your intentions
What is it that you’d like to achieve during this time? Maybe it’s to reconnect to old friends, family you haven’t seen for a long time. Give yourself some clear goals to ensure you have things to look forward to.
// Set boundaries
Healthy boundary setting can be difficult, especially in family situations. Maybe you have triggers, from parents, siblings, that can bring out old habits, patterns and behaviours. By setting your boundaries, you can try and manage things which are beyond your control. What is it that you’d like to communicate? Maybe there are topics you prefer not to discuss or things you prefer to avoid doing. Try to practice calm and clear communication to give yourself those boundaries from the get go.
// Practice compassion
These times are hard for everyone, so begin by being compassionate with yourself, speaking to yourself without judgement and acknowledging your own fears or challenges without judgement. However, try to practice the same compassion to others. Maybe the very people who trigger you are also suffering with their own triggers. Understanding this can make navigating the hard times a little easier. Try to approach difficult conversations from a place of empathy.
// Prepare yourself
Sometimes there are common triggers or questions which come up during these times. Maybe it’s ‘why aren’t you married yet?’, ‘you still don’t have children?’, ‘why are you still single?’, or ‘you still didn’t find a new job?’. No matter what, try to prepare yourself for these kinds of conversations or behaviours and have your answers ready so that you can answer in a way which feels safe and doesn’t trigger you or the people around you. Maybe your answer redirects the conversation or asserts your boundaries in a clear, calm way.
// Dedicate some alone time
Try not to over pack your festive season schedule. Have some down time whether that’s to watch a film, read a book, meditate or do some exercise. During our hectic work lives, alone time can be a precious resource so maybe your festive season is the opportunity to in fact catch up not with everyone else, but with yourself.
// Limit time
If you know certain gatherings or people will be stressful, put a time limit on them. Maybe meeting your sibling is tough, so rather than avoid them, just go for a coffee and have something prepared afterwards that you have to get to, an appointment with a friend, a gym session.
// Support
Maybe going to that stressful family gathering is easier when you have a ‘wing man/woman’. Maybe that’s another sibling, a friend, a cousin, but someone who can help break the ice and create a little distance between you and your triggers, and also give you the feeling of having moral support which makes you feel emotionally safer.
// Know you can always leave
Sometimes the easiest thing in a tense situation is simply to leave. Maybe you can have something lined up to say you have to get to, or maybe you feel comfortable to say you’d like to leave. If not, then there is the sturdy get out clause ‘the headache’ to aid your way out.
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