Why I’ll Never Buy a Tesla—And You Can’t Make Me

Let’s get one thing straight: I love the idea of electric cars. Saving the planet? Yes, please. Cutting down on gas station stops? Absolutely. But will I ever own a Tesla? Not a chance. And before the Elon Musk superfans come after me, let me explain.

// The Hype Is Just Too Much

Tesla owners have an energy about them—and not just the lithium-ion kind. It’s the smugness, the unsolicited lectures about range and self-driving features, the insistence that their car isn’t just a car but a lifestyle. I’m all for passionate consumerism, but at some point, it feels less like a car purchase and more like joining a tech cult.

// The Build Quality Is... Questionable

For a company that prides itself on innovation, Tesla sure has trouble with the basics. Misaligned panels, door handles that break, and paint jobs that make budget DIY projects look high-end? No thanks. If I’m dropping that much cash on a car, I’d like my doors to close properly on the first try.

// The "Self-Driving" That Isn't Quite There

Tesla’s Autopilot is like that friend who insists they can cook but then serves you slightly raw chicken. Sure, it sort of works, but do you trust it? I don’t. The idea of my car deciding mid-highway that it’s had enough and veering off is nightmare fuel.

// Elon Musk: The Ultimate Dealbreaker

L

ook, I can separate the art from the artist, but can I separate the car from the CEO? Harder to say. The man is everywhere—Twitter (or X, or whatever it’s called now), space, your timeline—and his antics range from entertaining to outright exhausting. Do I really want my car to come with a side of billionaire drama? Not really.

// Charging Hassles and Range Anxiety

Tesla charging stations are getting more common, sure, but road-tripping in one still feels like playing a game of "Will I Make It?"—and I don’t like those odds. I like my road trips with a sense of freedom, not the constant looming fear of being stranded at the world's most depressing strip mall waiting for my car to charge.

// The Price Tag Doesn’t Make Sense

Teslas aren’t cheap. And while EVs should be a good investment, they’re not immune to depreciation, battery wear, and the occasional software update that makes things worse instead of better. If I’m going to splurge on a car, I’d like it to feel like I own it, not like a beta tester for a software company.

// I’ll Stick With My Gas Guzzler (For Now)

I want to love Tesla, I really do. But between the hype, the build issues, the questionable tech, and the Musk of it all, it’s just not happening.

Maybe in a few years, another EV will win me over—but for now, I’ll be happily rolling up to gas stations, dodging Tesla fanboys, and avoiding self-driving existential dread.